Trine Review

Indie games have become rapidly popular thanks to their low price, simple game mechanics and easy access through a little something called Steam. Trine (2009) is the third release in this genre by a Finnish gaming company called Frozenbyte. Their first game Shadowgrounds (2005) and its sequel Shadowgrounds Survivor (2007) received a fairly good reception despite their difficulty and repetitive nature. Let’s see how Trine fairs, hmm?

You’re a wizard, Harry! And a thief…and also a knight. Trine is a puzzling platforming game where you control three characters. These three heroes happened to touch a magical doohickey called Trine at the same time which caused all souls to be bound to it. Trine is a nasty lil’ thing and will only let one of the characters out to play while trapping the other two inside.

The full cast of the game.

The game is set in an old ruined kingdom far far away that fell to shit after its king died. Lacking a proper ruler, the kingdom’s local magic started slowly turning to the dark side and began bringing the dead back to life driving the land’s inhabitants away from the realm. You must fix this! To do this, you must avoid many gaps and spikes, kill even more skeletons and solve a few less puzzles than you had to kill skeletons.

The controls are pretty simple. You have your basic AWSD for moving your characters around as well as a skill on both of the mouse buttons. Numbers 1-3 switch your characters around. The thief, Zoya, can shoot her arrows and use a grappling hook on wooden surfaces. The knight, Pontius, can swing a sword, a mallet and block with his shield aaand the wizard, Amadeus, can make cute little boxes, triangles and planks as well as levitate various objects in the game. All the characters handle great and are easy to use for their designated tasks.

The scenery in the game is just beautiful. The outdoor levels are filled with many green, purple and red shiny things along with mushrooms and trees and other classical fantasy elements. There are also dungeon and castle levels, which are mostly filled with rocks, spikes and lava. Very appropriate. The gameplay between the level types stays pretty much the same throughout the game, though some of the enemies and obstacles vary.

Skeletons will fuck you up, even in mushroom kingdom.

The music ties the atmosphere together. Lovely, calming and slightly mystical music makes you wish you were in a magic mushroom forest fighting skeletons and struggling to get by with three separate bodies at your disposal. While that image may not be the healthiest one out there, it goes along nicely with the game.

One of downsides to the game, in my opinion is its repetitiveness. While the level scenery does vary, you can’t help but think you’re doing the same things over and over again. The enemies have very little variety besides how many hits they take throughout the game, excluding a few boss-like monsters.

I also wish there was a bit more to the plot. The narrator had a nice Gandalfy swag going for him during the cutscenes and loading screens, but still, most of what he said didn’t really grab my attention. Then again, this is a platforming game. There’s only so much of a plot you can include to your quest to make it up and to the right.

His breath must smell wonderful.

While I think it’s great that so many of the levels could be passed with almost any character you wanted, it kinda made the characters less equal. Why would you build a tower of boxes when you can just grapple your way up? Why would you want to risk getting hit at close range when you can just shoot the enemy from a safe distance? Yeah, you got it. The thief is simply the best character to use in the game while the wizard is close to being useless. I found myself using the wizard only for making a triangle for the thief to grapple to. The warrior was only used when the thief was close to death or dead and I had to break some bones of my enemies.

All things considered, Trine is a short but fun game. It took me about six hours to beat on the hard difficulty - on my first playthrough, so don’t expect a Donkey Kong Country kind of experience in platforming. I didn’t notice any difference between hard and very hard difficulty levels either. STILL, I’d say this is a nice casual game for anyone who likes the genre. It looks, sounds and plays amazing and it’s a cheap and great choice for speedrunning, should you be into that sorta thing.

Sam & Max - Telltale Series Review

Point and click adventure games is a genre that had its golden age in the 90’s. Usually very puzzle oriented, these games varied from hilarious world saving predicaments to space adventures.  Don’t forget the always entertaining attempts of getting a pathetic guy laid. You could say there was something for everyone. The games were very story or character based and included more or less realistic logics for solving whatever the task was at hand. Sadly, as computers got more powerful and games went 3D, the genre started slowly fading away.

Some of the series, like Monkey Island and Broken Sword, tried to keep up with the new trend and transformed their games into a weird mix of running around in a 3D world and clicking on things every now and then. I, as an old school point and click fan, always felt like the developers ruined the series with these new “better looking” games. Personally I’ve always preferred the 2D cartoony feel.

Naturally, I was horrified when I found out that Telltales had decided to adopt a classic game, Sam & Max: Hit the Road, and make something new out of its heroes. Though, I had not tried the original, I had seen it played and knew that it was very much like all the other point and click pearls of its age; filled with mostly stupidly amazing jokes and very unlikely puzzle solving logics. Did Telltales manage to keep the spirit of the 90’s in the game genre that was pretty much the only good thing that happened during that decade?

Sam is a dog.

For a short introduction, Sam & Max are a freelance police detective duo consisting of a dog in a suit (Sam) and a sadistic bunny with razor sharp teeth (Max). They share their office with a pet fish named Mr. Spatula and a rat called Jimmy Two-Teeth. The office is located on the same street as Bosco’s Incovenience convenience store and Sybil’s office for…well, a lot of things. The whole series is pretty much based around this particular street, even though you get to visit other places such as the North Pole, Hell and even the Moon.

Max is a bunny.

Let’s see what Telltales is made out of and get our first impressions out of the way. Holy Hercule Poirot in a blood-soaked bathtub with a full set of dental records and a mud-caked work boot with two missing treads! If you like detectives, the intro song alone is enough to leave parts of your body moist. You get no start up menu, no options screen, no nothing but the intro song and the gameplay starting right after with our two heroes getting their assignment for the episode at hand. I like this.

IT’S A POINT AND CLICK! I’m amazed! Even though the graphics of the game are fully in 3D, you still only need your mouse hand to play this, leaving your left hand free to scratch whatever place needs it the most at any given time. Moving your mouse around the office, you’ll notice that as you hover over an object you can interact with some text that appears on the screen telling you what it is you’re currently pointing at. Very classic, just the way I like it. I can’t help but share the view of my teeth with the flies in my room as I grin in pleasure at the mere first feel of the game.

One of the very rare times you see this doggie get upset.

Moving on to the content! It’s really hard to tell much about the game(s) and not spoil anything. There are a total of three seasons, each containing 5-6 episodes, each episode being a separate game. All the episodes inside a season are connected to each other from mutual characters and the final plot twists of the season finales. Season one and two are also heavily linked to each other whereas the third is more of a complete separate story.

The characters and storylines are fantastically written. The dialogue between characters is filled with jokes, puns and references to celebrities, music and movies. Nothing, not even Santa, is sacred. If it fits the bill it will be made fun of. Even when Sam and Max are at the verge of death you will hear their stupidly hilarious puns that make you chuckle and cover your face in shame at the same time. You will also hear jokes so bad that even the characters notice it. Awkward silence will follow.

The animations are fluent. Even in 3D Telltales has managed to keep the characters’ cartoony feel. You don’t know what dancing is till you’ve seen Sam boogie down with some zombies in a vampire’s mansion!

These are not the dance moves mentioned above.

The controls are all point and click for the first two seasons. You get some hot keys for things like the menu and inventory screen, but that’s about it. You can also use a controller to play the game, which is something I didn’t even try. The third season changes the controls a lot though. It turns the game into what Monkey Island and Broken Sword did to their series. The new controls take some time getting used to but they work well enough. Still would have preferred the option to move by clicking though.

The music and voice acting in the games are fantastic. Big band music blasting in the background as you steer you mighty car, Desoto, over bagpipes on the streets of….whatever this city is. New York? The characters’ voice actors are not only good but the way they sound also fits really well to the mugs that they’re portrayed by.

Mustache makes everything better.

As fantastic as the games are, I still have some issues with them. The audio is impossible to balance out nicely. The level of the music varies so much that with the same settings it will go from barely audible to loud enough that you can barely hear the character speaking under it. Constantly fiddling around in the audio options is not fun. Also, the controls on the third season had me disappointed. Even at the last episode of the season, I still wasn’t comfortable with them. I guess the reason they did that was to make the game more appealing to console users, as gamepad controls were also included. The controls were obviously meant to be used on a controller, which made the keyboard and mouse combo feel very unfitting. Real shame.

Overall though, Telltale did a fantastic job with this. The control issues can easily be forgiven because as I said in the beginning of this review, these kinda games are very story and character based. I can highly recommend these games for anyone and everyone. If you like cartoons, jokes, puns, good music, detectives, dogs, bunnies, aliens or even Satan then this game is for you. Go get it and have some fun!

Donkey Kong Country Returns [A Fat Jesus Video Game Review]

Oh man, Donkey Kong Country Returns. If you know me, you know I love the original trilogy and that DKC and DKC2 are two of my all-time favorite games. This is one of those games that I've wanted to play since I heard about it's inception and then release on the Wii back in 2010. Unfortunately I didn't have a Wii until about this time last year and this game was (and still is) pretty expensive to buy. Like most newer Nintendo franchise games they never go down in price. But this griping is for another time. One of my best friends got me this for my birthday about a month ago now. Can't thank her enough. Being a fairly avid Donkey Kong Country player (on and off my cast) I knew I had to platform my way through this. For the most part, this barrage of newness of DK and Diddy on a modern console was a pleasure to go through.

We open Donkey Kong Country Returns on Donkey Kong Island. After a volcanic explosion the Tiki Tak Tribe, an evil group of tikis, arrive on the island and hypnotize all the animals to make them help steal all of DK and Diddy Kong's bananas. Since DK and Diddy are impervious to the hypnotic effects of the tiki's it's up to them to trek through the eight worlds on the island. They must defeat the Tiki Tak Tribe's leaders and reclaim the bananas (and island) that is rightfully theirs.

I was impressed with this game from the get-go. Controls we easy enough to get a hang of and even in the early part of the game you could tell there was gonna be a learning curve and this would be a challenging game. If you're playing one-player (which I kinda had to) you control DK and when you have Diddy with you he is perched on your back. When jumping with Diddy, he allows DK to float (with his jet-pack) for a period of time. I always thought of it as being kinda like Dixie Kong in DKC2 and DKC3. Without Diddy this game could be hell mode and with Diddy the levels were a bit easier, hard still in the end. 

Like every other good DKC platformer the levels looked great and they were challenging to boot. Maybe I'm just a newb at the game, but even something a simple as vine swinging (and even just jumping gaps) took me a bit to get used to. Still having to collect "KONG"  in each level was a nice touch as well. There are also a varying number of hidden puzzle pieces in each level you can collect for design bonuses and extras like that.  

Speaking of levels and worlds, there are a ton in this game. I would always be disappointed at the originals because the games felt short to me. Not this one. There's eight worlds and with at least five stages per world, it makes this game plenty long. If you're nuts like me there's "after the story levels" you can only unlock by collecting KONG in each level of a world. These levels, at least the ones I've done, are pure platforming and pure hard. I love it and it makes me wanna get better at the game and 200% it. Yes that's right, you can 200% this game. 

Can we touch on the art style as well? We can? Okay good. I loved the look of this game. Felt like updated Nintendo but still kept the old-school DK charm and feel. The colors are vibrant and visual appealing. The jungle levels really looked like their old school counter-parts while getting the ole once-over. Levels like the mine cart ones were the most fun to me. While they kept the same look and gameplay, they added enough into them make them new and different. Even the "LIMBO"-esque stages sprinkled in had me in awe because they did such a good job with them. Finally the music in this game is perfect. I love the original soundtracks for the original games. I think they're some of the best ever composed. This game uses THAT music, and only tweaks it enough to make me go, "Wow I like this cause it sounds like the original, but is updated for the Wii."

With the good comes the bad though. I would describe myself as a VERY easy to please gamer and by no means do I like to nitpick over minute details, glitches, etc. One minor thing, to me, was not having Kremlins or a "Krool" to look forward. It was a bit of a letdown, but probably for the best since Rare is dead (on Ninteno). But there were a couple of bigger things that had me frustrated beyond words that I want to write in this article.

First off in the one player mode, while I like having Diddy for the jet-pack usage (it can really save your ass in levels), not being able to switch between characters could be very annoying. There are some side scrolling and faster paced stages where I'd have loved to be Diddy and just tear through them. But nope, I have to be slow, clunky ole DK. I had a few people come in and say (I streamed my play-through of this live) that this was a pretty easy game. Then proceed to follow up with, "I did it on two-player with a buddy." Well I'm glad you had an easier time, but this game is hella hard with the monkey (literally) stuck to my back. This could be the nostalgia talking, but I kinda missed being able to switch between two characters. Not a huge deal once I got used to it all, but it just felt like the option in one player could've been included.

The other gripe I have with this game, and this is my big one, is the rocket levels. To me they serve no purpose in this game. You don't use the Wii motion in these levels, all you do it tap the a button to jet upwards or let up to drop. On top-down levels, you tap a to speed up via boosts. The problem with these levels is that the boosting is limited and can be sporadic. Only having one hit on these levels can be quite annoying as well when you're blowing lives and seemingly getting nowhere. Also the level leading to the final boss is one of these levels. A super hard sporadic top down rocket level. Leading to one of the hardest and most precise final bosses ever. While I don't have a problem with the boss, if you game over, then you have to do the level again and again. I just think this final level is bad design and that rocket levels in this game are pointless.

Aside from the gripes this is an amazing game. As I've already gushed about throughout this I love the original series and I really do think this game lives up to the original games that Rare put out on the SNES. DK and Diddy have been updated, but are still who I grew up with. The island is still the DK island I've grown to love (and at times curse to hell). The music and design are impeccable and look good on an HD screen. Finally the platforming is nuts and once you've gotten though the toughest parts you feel a fantastic sense of accomplishment. Donkey Kong Country Returns lives up to the name that it's predecessors set and hopefully sets up for more Donkey Kong games in the future!

Link to OP
http://matthewmday.blogspot.com/2012/09/donkey-kong-country-returns-fat-jesus.html

Madden NFL 13 Review

It's early September and you know what that means.  Millions of college students across the Nation are falling behind in their studies because of one game.  Madden's popularity is immense and every year its release date becomes a pseudo holiday for sports gamers.  For the past several years, Madden has dominated the football world in terms of gaming, simply because it has no competition.  In 2004, the same year 2K Sports released the highly acclaimed ESPN NFL 2K5, EA Sports nabbed the exclusive NFL rights for video games.  Just like that, EA Sports had a monopoly for America's favorite sport.  Ask any sensible fan of video game football and they'll tell you that this event was awful for the world of gaming.  EA Sports became lazy and gave into the stereotype most sports games fall victim to.  They pumped out basically the same game year after year with updated rosters and a few new animations here and there.

While the Madden games were never truly considered to be bad games at heart, none of them made any sort of splash.  Outside of being able to grab the joysticks with your bros to prove who is the real king of simulation football with the updated rosters, it didn't provide much to the consumer.  Integrations of Madden Ultimate Team and deeper Franchise modes trickled in, but fans were still clamoring for more.  Show us something that makes us say "Wow!" make us want to go out at midnight on the release date to go and get this game.  It may have taken them a bit longer than we'd hoped, but here in 2012, Madden has finally done that with Madden NFL 13.

So, what makes Madden 13 so special?  Why all the hubbub for a game that comes out every year?  Well, the creators of Madden finally seem like they care again.  They stepped out of their comfort zone and completely revamped a series that was already pulling in huge dollars.  Make no mistake, Madden could have done nothing and they'd still be able to pump out a successful game.  I can appreciate the balls it takes and trust in their developers to come out with a game that is unlike any other before it.

Let's start with the game engine.  All other Maddens preceding 13 featured the same old animations that you saw over and over.  Trust me, if you were someone who's logged in as many Madden hours as I have since 2001, you can grow very tired of them fairly quickly.  EA Sports introduced a brand new Infinity Engine for this year's game and an audible "Hallelujah!" could be heard all around the world from the die-hard fans.  The Infinity Engine promises to the players that no two play will look the same.  In the old installments, if a ball carrier was hit while running, some sort of animation would form with the defender being sunk into him while the two of them formed an impenetrable shield.  Now, a player will absorb a hit as their two bodies sync together and bend in realistic fashion.  If an extra player joins the play then he will affect the way the contact finishes.  It sounds subtle, but in the grand scheme of things and while you watch the game in front of you, it makes a world of difference.

Another major complaint players had about the Madden series was the complete and utter lack of presentation.  There's a multitude of fresh cut scenes in between plays and different styles of replays to try and keep the game feeling dynamic.  The crowd seems to have life and intelligence for once.  If there's a big play happening on the field, you'll hear the crowd begin to erupt.  It gives that feeling of exciting realism a simulation football game strives for.  For years we heard Al Michaels and John Madden provide commentary and then we had to sit through the insufferable Cris Collinsworth.  From Madden telling me about stick-em on player's gloves to Collinsworth chastising any play that wasn't a pass - it was enough to make any fan of the franchise hit the mute button.  This year introduced the CBS themed presentation with the duo of Jim Nantz and Phil Simms and it's so refreshing.  Just like with any sports game, the commentary gets tired and some of the things said make no sense.  It's just the fact that it isn't Collinsworth, which makes such a difference and an improvement.  Hell, there are even models of both announcers that introduce you to the game.

The gameplay itself has improved dramatically, to me at least, this year.  While playing Madden 12, I often found myself cursing John Madden's fat ass for every improbable leaping interception a linebacker made in the middle of the field.  It was a pain in the ass to pass across the field because you know the suddenly high jumping extraordinaire defensive player would get his paws on the ball.  When playing quarterback, you have control now.  You can use the left analogue stick to perfectly tilt the throw in a way to keep it out of the hands of the defender.  They've really improved upon this for Madden 13 and it doesn't go unnoticed.  The running game takes a lot of control and precision due to the infinity engine.  You can't try and bounce off a defender because the game physics are going to suck you up.  You gotta make sure you cut through the hole your line provides for you at the correct time or else you're down for a short run.  Playing a receiver is a blast in this game.  Once you see that ball flying through the air, you gotta take control of the man and get him in the air for the miraculous catch.  With Calvin Johnson on the cover, it was about time they gave a little love to the receiving game.  The animations added around the out of bounds lines are a God send and makes clutch late-game drives all that much more thrilling.

Last but certainly not least are the two major game modes.  One is an old favorite, Madden Ultimate Team.  The point of this mode is to acquire packs of cards in the game and create your very own fantasy team from the ground up.  Introduced in this year's game is a team captain, someone to make your squad competitive.  You have a slew of NFL stars to choose from, but make sure you pick wisely, for they will be your most important player in your first couple games.  Those first few games, provided you don't want to shell out big bucks to simply buy packs of cards with studs, are pivotal to you earning points needed to buy new players. As time goes on, your player's contracts will expire, make sure you have garnered enough contract extension cards if you wanna hold on to them.  Better yet, check out the auction area where all of those Madden fanatics around the world have posted their cards.  Some are up for auction and you can bid on them, while others are on the trading block and you can go ahead and offer a deal.  It's so in depth, you almost become obsessed with completing collections and creating the most overpowered team in the world.

Connected Careers was the big splash for Madden this year.  It replaced the Franchise mode the fans had grown to love and blew it out of the water.  Fans who complained about this year's game simply bitched about it before ever giving it a chance.  Connected Career is so insanely detailed and addictive, I find it personally difficult to stop playing.  You can choose to either start an offline or online career, the difference being in online, you can play with your friends.  More on that later.  You have to make a decision as to whether you want to play as a coach for your favorite team, where you either create your own rookie coach or take over a current/legendary one and control the entire team.  You make all the same decisions you did in the old Franchise modes, but with more goals and requirements you have to meet, which makes for a much fuller and rewarding gaming experience.  If coaching isn't your thing, you can always take control of one player, whether they be a rookie you create or even a legendary player such as Barry Sanders.  Build them up with the team, determine if they were a high draft pick, middle rounds, or undrafted and you choose your adventure as an NFL player.  You can also go to EA Sports GameFace website and upload a picture of yourself, they will then create a 3D model of your face that you can easily download into your game.  Now you're really in the game.

I mentioned online Connected Career and I saved it for last because it deserves to be the lasting impression you get from this article.  It's still a baby, this being its first year in the game, but EA already has something golden to build upon.  It's much like the My Player mode in NBA 2K, which is a very good thing.  Complete with its own fictitious (but with real sports personalities) Twitter feed (also featured in offline mode as well), the game literally creates its own little world for you and your friends.  You and up to 31 of your friends can each take control of an NFL team, either as a coach or individual player and attempt to really prove who is the best of the best.  You don't even have to brag to your friends after having a monster game, the game mode will for you.  The Twitter feed in the game will blow up with the personalities raving about your abilities and the top story will certainly talk of your potentially record breaking performances.  All of your friends in the CC with you will see it.  Once you finish your game for that week, go ahead and relax, because you could be waiting for the slower players in your league.  You cannot advance a week, unless you manually force it, until everyone in your Connected Career as finished their game for that week.  I adore this aspect, it really gives you the sense of a Franchise mode that is 100% compatible with your friends.

There's plenty of things about this game that will make you scratch your head and yell in anger, but I decided not to harp on them in this review.  They aren't critical enough to the point where it will cause you to dislike the game.  Overall, Madden NFL 13 is spectacular.  I really wasn't expecting this out of EA Sports, they seemed to be very set in their ways.  Maybe it's the danger of their exclusive rights coming to an end or they just finally got the message.  Whichever it is, I appreciate it immensely.  This is the best Madden game I have ever played and I implore you, whether you're on the fence as a former supporter of the series or someone looking to get into for the first time, go out and get this!  Ask your friends to create a Connect Career with you, message me and ask to join the one I've created with people I've grown close to on Twitch.TV.  Delve deep into this game, you won't be disappointed.

Jagged Alliance: Back In Action Review

It’s a rare occasion to see one of your favorite old gaming series get brought back to life. After many years of waiting you are bound to build a lot of hype over something you used to enjoy a lot way back when.  Jagged Alliance is one of those series for me. I still remember struggling and loving my way through the first game of the series back in the 90’s. It was one of the very first games I ever bought with my own money. I still go back and play it every now and then even now when I get the itches for some nostalgia action.

The original Jagged Alliance had a purely turn based combat system. You would hire your mercenary team, move from one sector to the other killing bad guys and getting better weapons until you made it to the big bad man and put a bullet in his hairline (without going into greater detail).

Next release of the series was Jagged Alliance:  Deadly Games which was pretty much an expansion to the original, though it was in fact a stand-alone game with a few new features and guns and bling. After Deadly Games it was time for Jagged Alliance 2 which changed the looks and gameplay a lot, adding the possibility to get on roofs and prone for example. The combat had changed to be turn based only when an enemy was visible, which was nice considering how time consuming and tedious travelling around with nothing to do can be in turn based mode.  Jagged Alliance: Back in Action is a remake of Jagged Alliance 2. Needless to say I had my hopes up way high for it.

Firing the game up you are welcomed with an intro cinematic that sadly looks like it was made about ten years ago. The feeling of lurking disappointment fills your head as you think “is this really the best they could make after over ten years”? Then again, Jagged Alliance was always more about the gameplay itself than the graphics, so we’ll let this slide. The clip shows you what kind of nasty shit is going down at Arulco as well as the moment you are recruited to solve the problem.  Main menu, New Game, LET’S GO!

You are a… I’m not really sure to be honest! I guess you could take it as an organizer of sorts. You have been hired to assemble a team of mercenaries to free the island of Arulco from the evil grasp of a mean old hag named Deidranna. You are provided a laptop with access to A.I.M. (The Association of International Mercenaries) which is your main source for hiring the right people for the job. You start up with a limited amount of money, so you’ll have to make the choice between hiring many bad and cheap mercenaries and one or two good ones. You will earn more money as the game progresses, but we’ll get to that later.

The list of mercenaries available on A.I.M. Most of which have been there since the beginning of the series.

The mercenaries have skills that vary from 0 to 100. These skills pretty much determine what the merc can and can’t do. For example to disarm and arm mines you’ll need a high explosives skill. These skills can be upgraded when your mercenaries level up. You get experience from pretty much everything you do. You are able to hire six mercs per squad and I’m not sure how many squads you can have (only had four at max during my playthrough). You are also able to view some emails and other background related info on your laptop if you so wish. If not, it’s time to shoot some nuts!

The first thing that I notice is how all the enemies are visible, all the time. In the previous games in the series you would only see an enemy if one of your mercenaries saw him. Also the combat is not turn based at all, everything happens in real time. You have the ability to enter a tactical screen where the game pauses and you can assign a chain of commands to each mercenary should you wish to do so. Pretty neat!

Tactical point of view. The place where you pimp up your movements.

You can shoot the enemy in the head, torso or the legs. The chance of the shot succeeding in shown as you aim. Depending on your distance and skill the shot will be either Unlikely to Hit, Likely to Hit, Very Likely to Hit, Certain to hit or Impossible to Hit, if the target is out of the line of sight. There are also melee weapons in the game which you can use to poke the nasty men till they die. All of the combat, moving around and stuff is controlled with the mouse. Killing enemies will alert the other enemies on the sector if they see or hear you blow their fellow badasses up.

And that’s the game! You move from one city/location of interest to another on the world map liberating each of them until you make your way to the mean bitch mentioned at the beginning of this review. Each location has a number on the map, which shows how many enemies there are in that current location and what level they are. Enemy levels vary from one to five. After liberating each location you can give the local civilians weapons and armor to make them defend that place in your absence. The militia you “hire” can also be trained up to level five. And yes, the enemy will attack the locations in order to get them back. Militia just provides a way to solve these attacks without having to travel back and forth for all eternity. Also freeing cities and especially mines will be your main source of income. The more shit you set free the more money you get. There are also quests in the game which will in most cases give you money once you complete them.

The quest list near the end of the game.

As I mentioned earlier I’m a big fan of this series. This is the reason why I will be spending the rest of the review finding new ways to enter the rectum of this game through places that are not meant for it. Out of all the new features most seem to be shitty and ruin the game mechanics that were so dear to me.

Where to even begin.. 

The controls of the game are pretty bad. You have to twist and turn the camera angle a lot just to be able to see where can and can’t go. Moving inside buildings is a pain in the ass as there is no logic to when the roof will or won’t disappear to let you see to each room. Worst case scenario you’ll have to twist the camera angle to see slightly inside a room from its doorway and move the merc to the doorway which will finally reveal the contents of the room for you. Doesn’t sound like too big a deal but the mercenaries movement is already very clumsy to begin with and shit like this just makes the rage pop up nothing else. Doing anything sudden and precise is up to a stroke of luck each time you try it.

One does not simply walk to the corner. This is the straightest route available.

There is no quick save or restore in the game which is really frustrating considering all the broken shit in the game that makes you want to reload. A LOT. There are also hot keys in the game which are assigned to the weirdest places. And naturally there is no way to reassign them. Who would want to customize hot keys anyways!

The line of sight and aiming is ridiculous as well. Probably due to bugs the enemy can every now and then see you through walls or behind corners as well as shoot at you. Funny enough you won’t even see the enemy in these situations. Even out in the wild the enemy might be able to see and shoot you through a rock or a tree while your guy just complains about not being able to return fire.

There is no logic to how likely you are to hit the enemy. I’ve even had “Certain to hit” shots miss…ten times in a row. Then again unlikely to hit shot to the head will probably hit in a few tries. Aiming through windows and doorways is messed up. You will most likely miss every time unless you are angled and positioned perfectly, even if your probability to hit says otherwise.

The enemy can and will see you from the most ridiculous places no matter how dark it is or how covered you are.  Even if you have a guy hiding in some bushes at the complete opposite direction from the enemy from where you shoot at them, they will immediately spot the hiding silent guy on contact. Also sneaking up on enemies is again just a matter of luck. Usually as you’re about to get close for a quick stab kill the enemy, who has been stationary for the past hour, suddenly decides to turn around and go for a walk. He will see you, kill you, alert everyone else and kill the rest of your gang. Such a silly coincidence. Every. Single. Time.

You can’t shoot through bushes, throw granades to roofs or change the angle of the throw in general or shoot anyone from hand to hand distance. REALLY! If a guy runs to you with a knife before you are able to make a shot at him your merc will stand up, put his gun away and pull out some stick to fend the nasty man off with. By this time you are already dead, simply because shooting from point blank range is a no go.

The bush is mightier than the bullet.

They also removed many of the tactical mechanics from the game in comparison to Jagged Alliance 2. You can only blow up walls at given points, you can’t cut through wire fences and you can’t even hop over a fucking bag of sand. The movement around each location is so limited it’s not even funny. Where in JA2 you could sneak your way in to a heavily guarded Sam site, in this one you’ll just have to go through the front gate. It took about half an hour on each city to find a way to start shooting down enemies without alerting every single asshole in the location.

The enemy sends out forces to take back the places you have freed far too frequently. There is not enough militia and equipment in most locations to keep them at bay. Unless you buy rifles to all the militia at any given location and train them up to the maximum level, they will be wiped out in a few raids. You just don’t get enough money to do that to each city you free. So running around recapturing the cities becomes an annoying necessity.

You could stay at a location and wait for the enemy to invade. However you can’t position your guys if you do so. Time only passes on the world map and when you enter the world map all of your guys will be grouped up in a single lump whenever you re-enter the location. So taking defensive positions will be reset no matter what you do.

There are many more minor things to complain about but review is getting long enough already as is. Oddly enough I still like this game even with all the annoying flaws it has. Why? Probably cause of the weird nostalgia value it has for me. Even though the game wasn’t doing what I wanted it to do 90% of the time, those other 10% still felt very satisfying. I’m really disappointed that they got rid of the turn based combat. It seems moving to real time has made the game prefer a more reckless approach to everything instead of rewarding the nice little strategies you might come up with.

Would I recommend you get this game? Fuck no! Unless you are a fan of the series like I am you will probably regret getting this game. You’d be better off playing Jagged Alliance 2, which is a game I CAN recommend for everyone to get. This remake does it no justice. Taking your own new approach to a game is not always the best thing to do. Why try to improve something that was already working so well at the expense of destroying the whole core of the mechanics that made the game so good in the first place. I am disappoint.

Fat Jesus Jumps Into Platforming

Fat Jesus Jumps Into Platforming

By: Matt "Fat Jesus" Day

Original Post: http://matthewmday.blogspot.com/2012/09/fat-jesus-jumps-into-platforming.html

Ah platforming, a video game genre in which many claim to be hell. I on the other hand, or foot if you will, embrace it for every mis-jump and defeated boss. I truly love the genre and have always played it. I'v never considered myself a good platformer. I'm quick, reckless and usually never 100% a game past the last boss. But nonetheless, I've beaten quite a few of these games over the years. And most of them are some of the hardest games I've ever played.

 If you don't know the logistics, platforming is jumping through stages in a video game to complete levels. Usually there's a set number of levels in each area of the game with a boss at the end. You can land on the ground (if there is any), enemies, suspended platforms, boxes, barrels, etc. Your goal is to finish the level, usually without getting hit more than twice, and move onto the next level that's just as hard if not harder. 

In some series like Mario, you are given a plethora of power-ups to help along the way. While in other series like Donkey Kong or Sonic, you get far less power ups and have to rely on not getting hit. Even as far as one hit deaths in the madness that is Super Meat Boy. You can also collect suspended items as well. Sonic has rings (losing all will kills you if you get hit), Mario has golden coins and Donkey Kong has bananas (both of which get you a life after collecting 100). In games like Banjo-Kazooie there's a more mission-like feel where you do tasks to gain puzzle pieces and new moves while in LittleBIGPlanet you collect as many orbs as fast as you can for bonus score multiplier.

There are many different types of platformers. Some easier than others and some just plain insanely hard. Which is partly why I'm doing this post. I've compiled a huge list of platforming games that I've played. I've beaten most all of them or at the very least played or remember playing them at some point in my life. I've also listed off a Top 10 of platformers that I truly love. I can tell you that 2D platformers from the 90s are some of my favorite games ever. From the new to the retro, from 2D to 3D, I think it's all here. So jump into bed or slide into your chair. Here what I consider to be the best of the best in platform gaming!

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I spent about thirty minutes racking my brain, looking at my collection and compiling a list of twenty-eight games that I've played over the years. This runner up list is eighteen games that are the "leftover" of what I consider great. While some may be considered critically better, or something of the sort, these games aren't the best of the best in my eyes. While I enjoyed, beat, or even just played them, there was just something missing for me or maybe a predecessor or sequel out-shined it. Also "sorry" for not including games like Super Mario Galaxy 1/2. While I want to play them (BADLY), and they look amazing, I haven't had a Wii until recently and haven't gotten them yet.

Want To Play

LittleBIGPlanet 2 (PS3)

Super Mario Galaxy (Wii)

Super Mario Galaxy 2 (Wii)

Currently Playing

Sonic Generations (PS3)

The Basement Collection (PC)

Runners Up

Banjo-Kazooie (N64)

Banjo-Tooie (N64)

Commander Keen (DOS)

Donkey Kong Country 3: Dixie Kong's Double Trouble (SNES)

Kirby's Adventure (NES)

Kirby's Superstar (SNES)

Megaman X (SNES)

Megaman 2 (NES)

Sonic the Hedgehog (Genesis)

Sonic the Hedgehog 2 (Genesis)

Sonic & Knuckles (Genesis)

Sonic Adventure 2 (Dreamcast)

[New] Super Mario Bros Wii (Wii)

Super Mario Bros (NES)

Super Mario 64 (N64)

Super Mario Sunshine (Gamecube)

Super Smash Bros. (N64)

Super Mario 3D Land (3DS)

10. Donkey Kong Country Returns (Wii)

Now there was a change in my mind on this list as I was playing though this game. Donkey Kong Country Returns is this first, new, platforming game in the series since Donkey Kong Country 3. And boy did they make it bigger. Tiki masks invade the island and hypnotize all the animals and they take all of DK and Diddy's bananas. DK and Diddy must brave this madness island once again to save it in this new adventure in the new millennium. This is the first challenging Wii platformer I've played, I'll get to Galaxy 1/2 soon enough, I hear two player is a lot easier as well, but I played through on one player. The platforming is hard, there is a difficult learning curve and it's a long game. There are a few drawbacks, but I won't get into those here. I had fun throughout and it definitely lives up to the Donkey Kong name. Whata fitting way to start this top ten.

9. LittleBIGPlanet (PS3)

LittleBIGPlanet is one of the newest games to grace the top of this list. You control your completely customized Sackboy in a world of dreams. Each world, if you will, has a theme, from the Mexican deserts to Japanese gardens. You jump over pits of fire that will scourge Sackboy or hang onto objects to carry you up higher into the level. All while collecting dream orbs and stickers to add to your collection and point multiplier. The draw of this game for me is the endless supply of levels. LBP was put out for the users and the users make it what it is. There are thousands of customized levels built and you can even do most, if not all, of the story mode and these levels in co-op. Some of these levels are very challenging as well. Not only platforming-wise but puzzle-wise too. This game sounds great, looks great, and plays great. I have no problem in saying this is one of the best 3D platformers.

8. Super Smash Bros. Melee (Gamecube)

This is quite literally the epitome of platforming. Since that's all you have. Fall off of it and you lose. If you're unfamiliar with Super Smash Bros. it is a game, now series, that pits famous Nintendo charters such as Mario, DK, Link and anyone else you can think of in hand to hand combat. There is the new story mode, vs mode, and anything else you can think of. Now I love the original game for the Nintendo 64, but Melee expands upon it tenfold. The graphics are updated and look way better. There a massive amount of trophies to collect. I like having things to collect, something to strive for in a game. Most of the items from the first game are still there, there are new ones added and some do an expanded amount of things. The character roster has also been expanded upon and there are even more people spanning the Nintendo franchises. Same with the levels, both new and updated, there is a ton more content in this game. If you're like me, and you like fighting, Nintendo and platforming, this game is for you.

7. Super Mario Bros 3 (NES)

For most people this would be the end all, be all of platformers. I can agree with that. Once again Bowser had kidnapped Peach and turned all of the surrounding kingdom's rulers into beasts. Mario must traverse this world, filled with new items and enemies, to save the world and Peach from the evil Bowser. For an NES game you can tell it is very updated from the first game. New enemies and the tanooki suit are introduced in what is considered one of the best Mario games ever made. The levels are challenging and only get harder as the game progresses. The design looks great and the music in the levels is almost iconic. There's really not much more I can say about this classic. If you like Mario, and/or platformers, this game is for you.

6. Sonic the Hedgehog 3 (Genesis)

SEEEEEEEEGA! You all know the load up screens when you turned on these Sonic games on you Genesis. And Sonic 3 is probably one of the best games on the Genesis and you guessed it, another platformer. After Sonic beats Robotnik at the end of Sonic 2, this space station crashes onto a mysterious island. It turns out it's Angel Island where the last echidna, Knuckles lives and guards the Master Emerald. Robotnik tricks Knuckles into thinking Sonic (and Tails) are the enemies. Now they must get past Knuckles and defeat Robotnik yet again to save Knuckles and Angel Island! The best Sonic platformer by far. The levels look good, they get more challenging as the game progresses, and the music in this game is phenomenal. The story is simple yet it's spurred back-story for Sonic games to this day. This is a fantastic game.

5. Super Mario World (SNES)

It could be blasphemy to list this above SMB3, but I honestly like this game more. While I had both growing up, my SNES was my favorite system and I sunk a ton of hours into this games as a kid. This game felt brighter, smoother and more engaging to me. The thing is, it still does! In Super Mario World, big shocker here, Bowser kidnaps Peach, and Mario must save her. Along the way we meet Yoshi, more new enemies, updated graphics, new power-ups, and what can be challenging as hell platforming and nostalgic as hell music. I like this game because even today I can still pick it up, play it and have fun. Never having the same run to Bowser's Castle twice. That's the mark of a good game to me. No matter how much I play it, I still have fun. And most all of these games in the top 5 fall under this category.

4. Donkey Kong Country (SNES)

This is the second Donkey Kong game on this list and Rare did the original SNES games right in my eyes. This is the first one. We start off by finding out DK and Diddy's banana stash is stolen by King R. Krool and the island is overcome with Kremlins. DK and Diddy now must traverse the island, defeat Krools minions, defeat King R. Krool himself and get their banana collection back! For the first game in a series it already feels complete whenever I run through it. The levels can be unbearable at times, but once you get used to them, they are amazingly fun. This as well a designed game as you can get. Controls are simple, level design is great, and the music (at least for me) is some of the best ever composed. This is platforming done right.

3. Super Mario World 2: Yoshi's Island (SNES)

I don't know why, but the follow up to Super Mario World, Yoshi's Island, has always granted me more fun than the original. I play this far less, but when I do I always improve, find new secrets (at least new to me) and improve my overall playing of the game. Yoshi's Island follows the story of Baby Mario and Baby Luigi. As the stork carrying them to their parents house is "hijacked" mid delivery, Baby Luigi is stolen and Baby Mario falls onto Yoshi's Island. The Yoshi's living on the island decide to help  Baby Mario reunite with his brother despite revamped enemies, a new world, egg slinging and Kamek and Baby Bowser. The game is plenty hard adding in a semi-shooter system with egg throwing to the already hard platforming. Plus grabbing Mario once he starts crying so you don't pull your ears off is another challenge in itself. New levels, enemies, and new (amazing) music make this one of my favorite platformers ever.

2. Super Meat Boy (PC/XBLA)

SUUUUUUPPPPPER MEAT BOY! This is easily one of the most challenging, if not the most challenging video game I've ever played. Fast paced and essentially endless, you can choose to die 30,000 times and you'll never lose..though you'll never win. Super Meat Boy follows the story of Meatboy. Dr. Fetus has kidnapped Meatboy's girlfriend Bandage Girl because nobody loves him and  he wants to exact revenge on the guy that has it all. Can Meatboy over come the evil fetus and save his girlfriend? Play this and you'll be able to find out! Simply put you guide Meat Boy through levels filled with needles, saws, lasers, fans, lava and at the end of each area a nefarious boss designed to put you through hell. You can collect well placed bandages throughout the levels to unlock characters and find WARP ZOOOOOONES to unlock even more levels and characters. The catch is with each level, if you die you start over. Makes for entertaining rageful moments, but if you get really good, awe inspiring runs. Edmund McMillen is one of my favorite people in the video game industry and over the past couple years this has been one of the my top games I've played. If you want a challenge this game is for you.

1. Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy's Kong Quest (SNES)

This is the number one platforming game in my opinion. We're finally here, the peak of this fine blog post. Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy's Kong Quest! This is the third DKC game in my top 10 and all four of the platforming DKC games have made my top twenty-eight. I stick by the reasoning that DK64 is horse-shit. Shortly after Donkey Kong Country, Captain R. Krool kidnaps DK and Diddy Kong enlists the help of Dixie Kong to go help rescue him. Like the rest of the DKC games you're guiding Diddy (with Dixie this time) around the island filled with Kremlins to reach Captain R Krool and save DK from the clutches of evil. This game, at least for me is HARD. Jumps have to be (more) precise, you have to be quick, scrolling levels are incorporated, being able to float/fly with Dixie is introduced, new enemies are around, new music, and even more challenging levels than the first game. Hell more challenging than any other platformers. If you want a challenging game, with good music and a fun storyline, you really can't do worse than this game. It has everything a gamer, or platformer would want. To me it's as close to perfect platforming as one can get.