Darksiders II Review

Soggy Pronoun went ahead and wrote this piece and I'm posting it for him. Hope you enjoy!

By: Soggy Pronoun

Darksiders II the direct successor to the Vigil Games sneak up smash hit of 2010, but it doesn’t merely ride on the coattails of it’s older brother, it makes a damn good effort to outdo him; in some ways it does, while in others it falls a little short.

Darksiders II follows the story of the next member of “The Four Horsemen”, Death shortly after his brother (War) mistakenly starts the apocalypse and eradicates the Human race, leaving the world in the hands of the ever warring Angels, Demons, and atrocious abominations which now run rampant across the world. Unlike War, Death is not out for answers and vengeance; he seeks redemption, in more ways than one.

The gameplay doesn’t veer too far from the stylings of the original. Once again if you are a fan of other popular game series such as: The Legend of Zelda, God of War, and Prince of Persia, you’re going to get another gameplay casserole with these as your main ingredients. That’s not a bad thing though, if it worked for you the first time around, it continues to work this time. They did at least change the colors of the Voidwalker weapon this time so it doesn’t taste so much like “Portal”. They do also expand the game with another well loved gameplay element from a top tier game. Instead of having trinkets spread across the desecrated world, that increase the badassery of your armor; this time they went with the Diablo style loot grind. As you hack, slash, and bash at adversaries, Gilt (gold) and loot spring from the fresh kills sporting different colors; the most valuable of these being orange and more so when they are orange “Possessed Weapons”.

Possessed Weapons don’t always seem to be the greatest weapons at first, but they take advantage of the bountiful loot you find, and would otherwise sell to a vendor for meager earnings, by allowing you to feed them to your possessed weapon. The quality of the items you allow a Possessed Weapon to gorge itself on increases the amount of experience the weapon receives as it progresses through it’s five possible upgraded levels. The real treat to it is: as you shove whites, greens, blues, and purples down its gullet and it finally reaches the next level you are given a choice of what additional stat you would like to add to your weapon depending upon the stat bonuses of the weapons you fed to it throughout that level. It makes for interesting customization options to support your gameplay style and it’s a nice way to make you feel like you’re not always carrying around junk. With the variety of weapon items in the game I found it entertaining to hunt down new tools to support my fighting style.


There are two primary attacks, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that they are your light and heavy attacks. In the first slot Death always wields dual scythes either in his hands or on his sides, they are quick and ruthless, and all the different model variations look menacing. The second weapon slot is where you are once again given the ability to customize to your play style, and can get some really interesting weapons. In a range from quick “slice and dice” hand blades and claws, to slow bludgeoning maces and hammers you are given the choice of having two quick weapons or one fast and one slow. In addition to your physical weapons, with each level you are given points to spend on additional magic skills across two tiers, Harbinger and Necromancer, which can be generalized as close combat or ranged, respectively. No matter what configuration you choose, you get to mash down your enemies with the devastating power expected of a Horseman.

And mash you will, the fighting system in the game is unashamed in it’s button mashing.There are hundreds of thousands worth of Gilt to be spent on different attack combos, and even though I bought every one; I’ll be honest in saying that I didn’t really pay any attention to them and just wildly mashed my way through the game. While not necessarily game breaking, I do wish at some point the game had required me to at least pay a little attention to the combinations. The boss fights are interesting, require some focus before resuming the mashing. Each fight is not overly challenging but the bosses themselves vary greatly, which adds some good variety. Darksiders II hurts itself when it decides that it wants to be a third person shooter for a painfully long section. Fortunately there is only one of these sections as opposed to the several in the first game, but this is still where Death falls short. Maybe it was just the length of it, but it was far more annoying than when War did it. Fortunately, like his brother, Death still pulls off telling a good story.


Death rides for redemption on his mighty steed Strife, and with his faithful companion crow Dust. Dust is a useful tool meant to be a guide when you aren’t sure where exactly you should go next and does a pretty good job...most of the time. Unfortunately he is no wise owl, and at some of the more complicated parts he seemed just as confused as I was. There were times when he would fly back and forth from one side of a room to another with what seems like an aggressive form of Avian A.D.D. and on several occasions I caught him frantically spinning in a circle on one wing tip rising into the heavens. I found myself cursing my fowl tormentor, flagrantly break-dancing his way into the sky, as he seemingly mocked my inability to navigate. When I did finally find my way through the mazes and puzzle of the game I was met with interesting cutscenes. Even though Death’s face was completely covered by a mask, they were able to effectively portray his emotions; which were only bangs and eyeliner away from being full Emo at times. The characters I encountered on Death’s quest for redemption varied widely, ranging from an old scarecrow like man, to demigods and a seductive demon, just to highlight a few. They all interacted with Death well and did a great job at really establishing who he is as a character.The story was driven by fetch quest after fetch quest, but I never felt too bothered them since the puzzles to the items were interesting enough and the puzzles involved actually gave me several real “Aha!” moments. The ending brought me back to the story of the original in a great way, while leaving me excited for the next installment. Don’t forget to stick around until after the credits, there’s an intriguing little cutscene to watch. Even still that doesn’t have to be the end of your story as Death.


Chock full of side mission, collections, and a wave based “Crucible” fighting arena, which is no walk in the park, optional content should keep a completionist busy for some time; in addition to what has become an almost obligatory “New Game+” mode.

At the end of the line I logged in just over twenty-one hours of game play, with only having done a handful of the side missions. While Darksiders II does have it’s fair share of flaws, it was time well-spent and the continuation of what is already a fun and exciting Apocalypse story that still has two Horsemen to go.

Diablo III - Review

Diablo is one of those iconic PC game series that everyone has heard of. Whether you’re a fan or not, there is no way a PC gamer could have ignored the impact and popularity  of either the first two in the series. Diablo II was probably the most successful PC game of its time, a game that the most hardcore of fans still play today. It’s no wonder that the sequel to it was one of the most anticipated game release for the PC ever. Finally, 12 years later, Blizzard gives the fans what they have been waiting for. The question is, was the game worth the wait?

Before I go any further into my review, I should mention that I have never touched Diablo II. I used to play a ton of Diablo, back in the day, but the second game in the series never made it to my collection. I have seen it played by others and I know how the story went. So, I’m not jumping into this game completely oblivious to the events predating the game. Also, I got a late start on the game, so the server issues of the first few weeks of the game were of no concern to me.

LET’S FIRE THIS THING UP! The starting cinematic scene is just gorgeous. A very anticipatory and hideous looking smile creeps on my face as I tell myself “This is exactly what I’ve been waiting for.” Blizzard can sure make some kick-ass cut scenes.

You are immediately teased by the image of the being you know you are going to end up killing. Soon after, you’re treated by the legendary voice of Deckard Cain, which is bound to make you giggle - had you ever played the original. The giggle will soon turn into a frown as Cain gets butt-fucked by a meteor straight through the floor. The game is on!

Epic music hits your ears as the login menu loads up. The keenest of ears can hear variations from the Tristram town theme on the mighty soundtrack that is playing. Eerie night scenery in the background with the crow that was also seen on the opening scene of the original Diablo makes your hands so shaky with excitement, it’s hard to even log on to your battle.net account.

There are five classes to choose from: Barbarian, Demon Hunter, Monk, Witch Doctor and Wizard. The only customizing options you get are the sex of the character and the name you want to give him/her. This is totally fine by me. I hate being stuck on character creation for hours just to be disappointed with what I came up with after. Checking out the classes, I end up picking a monk as my first character, as it seems to have most of the qualities that I’m looking for in a character. Religiousness was not one of those qualities.

After my Romanian monk has finished explaining the situation and how he’s involved, the actual game starts. Controls are pretty simple: you just click. Each character starts up with one basic attack assigned to the left mouse button. As you level up, you will unlock a skill for the right mouse button, as well as keys 1-4. So, that’s six active skills at a time. Each skill has tome options which add a little twist to the skill, like increased area of effect or damage. You will also unlock passive skills which you can eventually use three of at the same time (for the monk anyways).

Killing your first monster triggers a log entry…voice…thing? Cain will explain what the hell it was that you just killed and every time you kill a new monster, Cain’s voice will be there to explain the origin and qualities of it - or something like that. You won’t really pay that much attention.

As you enter New Tristram, you’ll meet the first key character of the game, Leah. She will explain the situation regarding the meteor up Cain’s butthole and send you on your way to the quest which will eventually lead to killing Diablo.

That’s enough of the first impressions. As well as the game sold itself from the first moments, I’m afraid the game as a whole is not so much to be excited about.

The progression of the game is somewhat annoying. You have four difficulty levels, each of which unlock after you have beaten the previous one…with each character. This means you basically play through the same game three times with every character before you unlock the final difficulty and max out your character’s levels. Seriously, same everything, three times in a row with EVERY single character you play. It gets repetitive as hell, even with the first one.

I won’t go into much detail regarding the story of the game as I don’t want to spoil it for people who may not have played it before reading this. The short version would go something like: you go find Cain and get the meteor outta his butt, kill some monsters, kill some meaner monsters, save some other people, watch someone important ones die, go kill some more monsters and even meaner bosses, get betrayed, go after Diablo, kill Diablo, the end. Honestly, the story sucks. The characters jump into ridiculous conclusions just to make the story progress somewhat logically. Some of the plot twists seem like they were written by children, it gets that bad. Eye rolling and face palming cannot be avoided.

The little things in the game will start to annoy you. Remember Cain and how awesome it was to hear him again after so many years? That joy, unfortunately, doesn’t last too long. At first, Cain sounds awesome! Then, the more you hear him, the more you find his way of talking hilarious and eventually annoying. The game introduces way too much talk concerning things you really don’t give two fucks about. For every. Single. Character.

The difference between difficulty levels is also something that has left a lot of people, including me, annoyed.  The starting difficulty is “Normal.” You can, pretty much, mess around all the way through the playthrough and still get it done. Way too easy for some. Then comes Nightmare, which is, pretty much, as easy as Normal, provided you have a good build and decent gear. Next up is “Hell,” same story all over again. But THEN you hit the ball-ache called “Inferno.” Suddenly, you can’t kill anything! And as a nice annoying touch, anything can kill you. The jump on the difficulty level is just ridiculous and leaves you wondering what the hell you have been doing wrong for the first three playthroughs of the game.

I’m also, VERY convinced that soloing Inferno difficulty with melee is about a million monkeys more difficult than it would be with a ranged one. Kiting becomes crucial for surviving the crazy packs of special enemies and the best thing you can do with a melee character is increase your attack distance with about a pixel. Well, the actual added distance is a little more than a mere pixel, but considering the speed of some enemies, it might as well be a pixel.

I remember seeing a Blizzard press conference from before the release of the game with their employees explaining the game mechanics regarding single and multiplayer games throughout the game. They said something along the lines of: “The game is meant to be a single player game and is made so that any individual can beat the game single handedly.” Sure, the first three difficulty levels are beatable. Inferno is not even close to that. Even co-oping the first Act of the game was a pain in the ass for me and my co-worker, who at the time had been grinding at max level for about a month to get proper gear. The only way to make progress is to have good friends or patience to grind hours for gold so you can afford anything decent from the Auction House - or use a credit card.

Blizzard also mentioned that there are no superior builds in the game, only viable ones. This is also pure bullshit. After normal difficulty, I was only able to make two builds strong enough for me to survive even the most basic monsters at some situations. Considering how they promoted the game as a single player game with only “viable” builds and multiplayer as a little fun addition makes me wonder if they ever even played the game and tried this shit out before saying all of that.

When I bought this game, I knew it would be a grindfest. It was exactly what I wanted it to be: a game you could just log on to and smack some asses around in whenever you were bored. However, they took it too far. The WoW kind of gear based grinding for such a linear game as this just does not work well. Especially if the game’s length is about a 4^th of what it should be to make the end game seem like end game. While writing this review, I uninstalled the game and probably will not be installing it again for a very long time, if ever.

Unless you are a hardcore fan of either Diablo, grinding or spending your own money in an auction house for virtual helmets, this game is not for you. Even if Blizzard is aware of the lack of end game content for Diablo III and is planning on doing something about it, I advise against buying this game. Why couldn’t you make the game right before releasing it? You only had, like, 10 years.